The most important thing I have learned in my 48 years of being a daughter, 25 years of being a wife and 17 years of being a mother is that you have to see yourself through a 90% lens first. Nothing in your life will change if you do not change the person in the mirror. Why is self-love so difficult for many people? It’s because we don’t think we’re worth it and nothing could be further from the truth.

The greatest gift that you can give yourself this Valentine’s Day is the gift of loving yourself. Here are three ways to kick start the self-love today:

Heal your wounds. I have spent a lot of money in counselling to heal the wounds of my past. Maryanne Williamson says the wounds we do not heal in our childhood will manifest themselves in the ugliness in our personalities. Do the hard work of healing those wounds. Many of you have EAP programs at work, use them.

Change your belief systems. I was told a lot of things growing up by teachers and family members. I was too short, I was too stupid and I came from a broken home. I learned that those thoughts were ingrained in me by depleted people who did not love themselves. I have since learned to let go of the 10% belief systems. I was also told a lot of great things, which is what I focus on.

Take care of yourself. We self-sabotage to avoid what we should be working on. Stop doing that. Even if no one at your dinner table taught you how to take care of yourself, do it anyway. Do the basics: drink enough water, eat healthy foods, get plenty of sleep and exercise. We all know we should but the reasons we don’t are what we need to change. If you don’t take care of yourself, you end up depleted for the people you love, and what does that teach them about self-love?

This Valentine’s day give yourself a card and write in it everything you are great at, your strengths, your 90%s.